If You Fade Tonight
by Amako-chan
Summary: MELLOxMATT. Oneshot. OOC? One of the Reviews: Your story is just fantastic, brilliant, and orginial. - Nusura Miku. Mello can't control his thoughts any longer, and so he decides his best way out, is a permanent way out...


If You Fade Tonight

By: Amako-chan

**( A.N: Oh dear god, this took forever! Size 10 font, writing every line…It was 16 pages, and almost ½ of another page! This was fan fiction suicide. Okay, ****important note; This story has NO RELEVENCE to the show! I just plucked out the characters, and tried. This is my first time writing for MELLOxMATT, so please, give me a break here. And, I did use their real first names in this fanfic, but only occasionally. Sorry if they get OOC, but it's hard to keep Mello angry and have him feeling how he does…And, I haven't read the manga, only seen the anime, so Matt is probably way out of character.**** I just don't really care anymore. Read, enjoy, review if you like, and cut me some slack. I worked really hard on this! Thanks! )**

His boots sounded loud, as his footsteps sounded off the walls, and back to his own ears. He removed the gloves from his hands, and stuffed them into his right pocket. He stopped a moment, to squirt some sanitizer into his hand, from the bottle on the wall, and then carried on down the hallway, rubbing the liquid blob into a flat water-like substance, and forcing it into drying against his skin. He crinkled his nose a little from the smell of the alcohol in it. His eyes wandered over the signs that surrounded him on both sides of the hallway, and when he saw a double door, that lead to a staircase, he pushed it open. There were stairs going up, on the left, and stairs going down, on the right. He stepped left, and headed up the stairs, going by two at a time, and speeding up his pace to get through them faster. Another set of double doors appeared in front of him, and he stepped through them.

He found himself in a new hallway, and looked both ways, before taking a right, and searching for a specific sign. When he saw what he was looking for, he swallowed hard.

_Intensive Care._

He stepped through the doorway, and stopped. His eyes scanned the room, looking for a head of that short, almost golden, blonde hair that he knew too well. His eyes were doing him no justice as he looked for him. It didn't help that everyone here was dressed in either Nurse, or Doctor attire, or the rotten excuse of a cover for patients. It turned out that he didn't have to look for long.

_His ears found him before his eyes could._

He followed the sound, and watched a scene taking place at one of the hospital beds, where a Nurse was desperately trying to calm a patient down. Her patient was squirming around on the bed, his blanket pulled up over his body, and his arms outside of the blanket, strapped down to the bed. Metal straps with a soft lining, as to not harm the patient. The same thing seemed to be holding his legs down. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly, and there were bandages angled to go around his head, to cover his left eye. His arms were also wrapped in bandages. Red had appeared on all of these bandages, seeping through. And he screams were enough to make the Nurse tremble.

"Please…_Please_, do you need more sedatives? You _have_ to tell me what's _wrong_…"

"Just get away!" He hollered angrily, eyes still locked shut.

There was the sound of angry footsteps, from a person whose boots echoed off the walls.

"What happened to him?"

"I'm sorry…Who are you?" The Nurse asked, looking him up and down, still shaking from the sound of the patient screaming at her.

"I know this patient. We've been friends for many years. So please, tell me…_What happened to him?_"

"He-He attempted suicide…_They found him in a pool of his own blood_…"

He stepped around her, and sat on the edge of the bed, while the patient continued screaming.

"Has he been sedated?"

"Yes…He hasn't gone under once yet, and we've given him so many pain killers as it is…He keeps screaming, I don't know how to help him…"

The male reached over, and placed his hand on the males chest gently,

"Mello. Stop thrashing about. You're not helping yourself in doing this."

To the Nurse's surprise, the blonde stopped thrashing about, and his movements were smaller now, but he was still squirming around a bit. And he hadn't stopped grunting and screaming.

The male took his hand from the blondes chest, and put it instead, on his right cheek.

"Open your eyes."

Nothing changed.

Sighing, he leaned down carefully, so that his lips nearly touched the blondes ear, and murmured to him quietly, so the Nurse could not hear,

"Open your eyes, Michael."

When he moved himself back away from the males ear, the grunting and screaming had stopped, and the blondes frantic blue eyes shifted over to the space where his bed felt like it was caving in on itself.

The male sitting there, looked back to the Nurse, who was watching wide eyed, and her lips parted ever so slightly in all of her shock. The patient had relaxed under the voice of the other male.

"So, tell me, what happened to him?" The male asked calmly, unconsciously keeping his left hand on the blondes right cheek.

"W-Well…Someone heard him screaming…And, when the ambulance got there…He was sprawled out on the floor of an apartment, with a knife in his hand…"

"And the left side of his face?"

"Apparently he had an injury there already…And, he had blood and flesh under his fingernails…It seems he was tearing at the old wound, and ripping it open…"

The male had known about the injury already, but he was bothered by the fact that the blonde had ripped it open…With his _fingernails_, of all things to do it with. He looked back down to the blonde, who shifted his eyes upwards, so their eyes would not lock. He used his left hand to shift the blondes head to the right a little, and looked down at the bandages. He then let his head go back to its original position.

"Tore apart your wound with your own hands," the male said gently, pausing a moment, before he spoke again,

"_What a waste."_

The blonde looked at him now. His expression was shock, and confusion. The brunette sitting on his beds edge wasn't calling _him_ a waste. He was calling what he was doing with _himself_, a waste. But _why_? The blondes right arm twitched, and he struggled to get it free.

"Un-strap his right for him, just for now," the brunette asked the Nurse gently. She was hesitant, but she complied, and un-strapped the males right arm. To her surprise, the blonde grabbed the brunette by the shirt collar, gripping tightly.

"WHAT THE _HELL_ DID YOU SAY TO ME?!"

"Settle yourself down, Mello."

"_No! _Don't sit here and _act_ like you give two_ damns _about _me! _If you _did_, _maybe_ you would have answered your cell phone at least _once, _out of the _twenty-something _times I called you! But no, you left me on my own! You _stupid_ lowlife! Don't _act_ like you _care_ when you really _don't!_"

The brunette bowed his head, his bangs shielding his eyes.

"How can you call yourself my _friend_, if you can't even answer your goddamn _cell phone?! _You could have at _least_ called me back, when I was leaving all those _messages_ for you! You didn't even-!" Here he stopped. Something had dripped onto his thumb, and was travelling down it, and along his wrist. It slid down his arm slowly. He moved his hand from the brunettes shirt collar, and stared up at him, his eyes desperately trying to search the males hidden eyes.

The brunette took the blondes hand, and placed it on his left cheek. The blondes eyes grew. The brunette removed his hand, and placed it back on the bed. He looked to the Nurse, who nodded, and strapped the arm back down. The brunette got up, and walked back towards the doorway.

"Matt?! MATT! COME BACK HERE!"

The blonde stared after him, clenching his right hand into a tight fist, and allowing the moisture on his hand to slip between the cracks in his fingers.

--

The brunette opened his cigarette box when he was out on the street, and put one between his lips. He pulled out his lighter, and lit the end, before returning the lighter to his pocket. He'd put his gloves back on, on his way out of the hospital, as well as his goggles. He pulled out his cell phone, and flipped it open. The little screen _mocked_ him the moment it was open.

_23 Missed Calls, 16 New Voice Messages._

Sighing, he opened the first of the voice messages, and pressed the phone to his ear, as he continued down the street. The familiar voice was in his ear,

"_Matt? I guess you don't have your phone on right now…You _did_ say you were going to go see a movie later, so I'm guessing that's where you are right now…Look, uhm…When you get this, do you mind calling me back? I need to talk to you. You're the closest friend I've got. So, I'll uh-I'll talk to you later then…Bye."_

The first message had gone by normally, and the next seven only showed signs of irritation growing with him not answering his phone. Half of the messages were the usual Mello. The _you're-not-answering-so-I'm-going-to-keep-calling-until-you-do _type of messages he left seemed very…Well, _suiting_ to his personality. And the brunette found himself smiling a little despite himself.

But then, message number nine came on…And the smile disappeared faster than it had appeared.

"…_Matt? Uhm…Look, I-I need to talk to you…Okay? Ignore all my other messages, this is _really important_…You…You _have_ to come over…I-I don't even know what I'm doing…I, uh, I totalled my room…I seriously just, _need_ you…If you could just, _come over_…That would help…I…I have to go…Bye."_

The next five carried on like that. Mello sounding sad, and pleading into the phone for him to just, show up. Come over. _Help._

Number fifteen came on now.

"_Matt…Oh God, please, help me…I'm a wreck, please just, _help_ me…"_ There were sobs heard, and then the dial tone picked up.

Number sixteen played itself through,

"…_Matt…I-I'm bleeding…I-I opened my scar…I ripped it open…And I took a knife from the drawer…And I…I'm bleeding Matt…" _Sobs were heard, and then Mello cleared his throat,

"_Listen, I…I think someone called an ambulance…And I uh…" _A pause_,_

"_I'm _scared_…Matt, I'm scared…Call me back as soon as you can, alright? I'm…" _

Dial tone.

His hand dropped to his side.

When had he stopped walking? He wasn't really sure. People were staring at him as they passed him. Slowly, his hand closed his phone, and put it back in it's rightful location. He removed the cigarette from his lips, and was a little surprised to see how long the line of ashes was getting. He tapped it, and let the ashes litter the ground. Then the cigarette was returned to his lips.

--

The Nurse was trembling again, even though her patient was being _un naturally quiet. _Maybe it was the half-scowl on his face. Or maybe the way he kept inhaling, as if he were readying himself to speak, but then exhaling again in a sigh, as if he didn't know how to put it.

"Are you doing alright, sir?" The Nurse asked gently, checking on his IV, and bandages.

"…Look, I'll try to do this as nicely as I can. I was being…Well, you know how I was acting earlier already…" He paused a moment,

"Uh…I'm uh…I'm _sorry_" He muttered, glancing at her from beneath his bangs.

"Mm," she nodded gently,

"Can I get you anything?"

"Uhm…Well…If it's okay…Can I have my cell phone? …I still uh, have to talk to Matt…"

"Matt? The brunette from earlier today?"

He nodded silently.

"Well, where is it?" She asked gently,

"You'll have to text to him, I'm not permitted to un-strap you, until further notice, Doctor's orders…"

"Right pocket, in my coat."

The Nurse walked over the table where his coat hung from the back of a chair, she lowered herself down, and reached inside, feeling around for a phone. She brought it to him, and placed it in his right hand.

"Do you want anything else?"

"No, this is enough for me."

"Well, you know how to reach me then," she said simply, nodding towards the button near his left hand, before excusing herself, to give him some privacy.

When the Nurse had left his room, the blonde sighed, holding his phone tightly, before loosening his grip on it, and flipping it open. He went under his contact list, and found who he was looking for. He opened a text message to Matt, and typed it out, hurrying slightly, hoping it would be legible. He hit send, and closed the phone, waiting for some reply.

--

His phone rang a melody that belonged to _one contact_, and _one contact only_.

He pulled it out, and flipped it open,

'_Hey Matt, if you can read this, reply.'_

He sighed, and closed the phone. He didn't know that he really felt like speaking to Mello at the moment. Considering he saw him as a…

_Stupid lowlife. _

That bothered him somewhere inside. He sighed, lighting himself up a cigarette, and laying back down on the couch. While he smoked, he stared up at the ceiling. Was he _really_ so _low_? He'd had his phone off…But he hadn't intentionally tried to _ignore_ Mello. _Why would he? _They were _best friends_, and that meant being there for each other, even if they drove each other _crazy_ on a _regular basis. _Fighting, but having the friendship to fall back on, so that made things okay in the end.

_So why did this hurt him so much?_

He pulled his goggles up, so they were resting against the top of his head, and rubbed his temple with his left hand. He hated this whole scenario. Maybe if he'd had his phone on, Mello could have gotten ahold of him, and they could have talked. Hell, he would have driven himself over there, and made sure that little idiot was okay. He would have sat beside him until he fell asleep, and then stayed the night, just to make sure he had someone there with him the next morning.

But instead, his little idiot, was lying alone in a hospital bed.

He moved his left hand away from his face, and rested his left forearm against his forehead. Maybe that's what was wrong.

_He considered Mello his._

_His_ responsibility, _his _best friend, _his._

_His, and his alone. _

And if anyone _dared_ to attempt _changing that, he_ would set them straight.

Run them over with his car, or something.

He laughed despite himself, and flipped open his phone, to reply to the message.

--

Great, now he'd gone and done it. He shouldn't have yelled at him. Now Matt was angry, and he wasn't replying to his text message. Maybe he got the message, and just didn't care. He likely didn't want to see his face again. Not a surprise, after he yelled at him like that.

The phone vibrated and he flipped it open.

'_Hey idiot. I got your text. What do you need?'_

He smiled a little. So maybe Matt was _mad_, and not so _angry_, and _would _be talking to him after all.

_Good, _he _needed_ to apologize to him. _Now. _Fix this whole damn thing, before he lost the guy he called a best friend.

'_I need to apologize…I said some nasty things earlier, and I'm, well, sorry,' _he typed it in, and then hit send.

--

He got up from the couch, and flipped open the cell phone. He read his message, and sent out his reply,

'_Yeah, yeah. No big deal. It's not everyday you try to call someone, and they don't answer. My phone was off…Sorry about that. If it'd been on, you wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed right now. Speaking of which, comfy?'_

He hit send, and put the phone in his pocket again. He grabbed his coat, and shoes, and slipped out the door, into the evening air. He allowed himself to tap on his cigarette, causing ashes to sprinkle down to the ground. He needed a drive, and he'd had a thought. Maybe he could help out after all.

--

Mello smiled a bit at the reply. Matt had decided to use his sense of humour, to help to mend their bond. It made him feel a bit better.

'_No way in hell is this _thing_ comfortable. I apologized to the jittery Nurse tonight. I felt like a jerk, and I knew it wasn't her fault. It doesn't help that they stuck her with me, it's supposedly her second day working here, or something like that.'_

--

He was driving down the road when his phone went off, and he opened it. He started laughing as soon as he read the words. And had to pay attention to both the road, and the phone while he typed out his reply. He was out to do something important tonight, but he couldn't tell Mello what he had planned.

'_Good job idiot. Scare the Nurse. She's going to have nightmares for _weeks_.' _Send.

He kept on the road for another three blocks, before he turned right, and went down that road for two blocks, or so, all the while, texting Mello, back and forth. He pulled up into a driveway and parked his car. He stepped out, and crushed his cigarette into the ground with his shoe, before heading up the driveway, towards the house he'd parked in front of. He pulled out a key from his left coat pocket, putting it into the lock, and twisting it. When he heard it click, he turned the handle, and pushed the door open. He wasted no time in going upstairs to the room he knew _too well._

He pulled clothes out of drawers, and the closet, and dropped them on the bed. He went back downstairs, and into the kitchen, locating a Ziploc bag, and bringing it upstairs, to put the toothbrush and toothpaste in. He grabbed the shampoo and conditioner too, and placed all these things on the bed as well. He looked around the room, looking for anything else that might be a _necessity. _He grabbed the hairbrush, wallet, gloves, and dropped it all on the bed. It looked satisfactory, all the things he'd collected. He got down to his knees, and reached under the bed, pulling out the empty duffel bag that he'd known would be there.

He loaded in the clothes, the hairbrush, wallet and gloves, and put all the bathroom needs in the front pocket of the bag. He remembered the iPod on the desk, and dropped it into the bag as well. When he closed the bag back up, he grabbed the pillow, and put it on top. He scanned the room over once more to see if there was anything he'd missed.

His phone rang, and he flipped it open, a little surprised, because it had been a while, since it had gone off.

'_Will you come see me?'_

He smiled,

'_As soon as I'm done here, sure thing.'_

He put his phone away, and something caught his eye. It was sitting on the desk, and he couldn't believe he'd missed it. He stepped towards the desk, and lifted it over his head, wearing it around his own neck. He grabbed what he'd packed and headed back outside. He made sure to lock the door behind him, and headed over to his car, tossing everything into the backseat.

_Again the melody played._

--

He was waiting for a reply. Matt was _up_ to something, and he wanted to know _what_. So when his cell phone vibrated again, he flipped it open to meet an answer that didn't say much,

'_I'm not telling you yet. You'll see what I'm up to soon enough.'_

That wasn't the answer he'd wanted, and _Matt knew _it.

He sighed, and sent out a message asking how much longer he'd be.

_He left out the fact that he wanted him to hurry._

--

Matt sent back that he shouldn't be much more then fifteen minutes. He _didn't_ explain why it might take longer than it _usually_ would. He just drove home, and brought the stuff he'd taken, into his house. He made sure to remove the piece from around his neck, and placed it on the table. He then returned to his car, to start on his way down to the hospital.

--

He lie there, staring at the ceiling. _Waiting. _His Nurse had come in to check on him, and she was making sure he was doing alright. Making sure everything was running smoothly.

"Am I permitted a visitor at this hour?" He asked, it had come out of nowhere, and she seemed to jump slightly when she heard him speak, but she calmed herself immediately.

"Well, most hospitals say no, but we allow it here," she answered gently, as she stood at his bedside, she hesitated before asking him politely,

"May I check on your bandages?"

He nodded, in silence, and then opened his mouth, with a thought,

"May I be un-strapped for a while? If I have a guest, I mean…"

The Nurse was quiet a moment, thinking about it,

"Sure. I don't see how that could be a problem." She checked his arm bandages. And then she un-strapped his arms, to have him sit up, so she had easier access to the one on his face. Her hands were trembling slightly as she studied the bandage on his face.

"I should change this one…It looks like it could use a fresh one, if that's alright?"

"You're the Nurse. Go ahead," he answered, trying not to sound how he assumed he _usually_ sounded.

_Angry._

She nodded, and unwrapped it, placing the used bandages into the garbage. She grabbed some fresh ones, and gently cleaned up the injury a bit, before applying more bandages and securing them. She un-strapped his legs as well, and he stretched.

"I saw no sense it strapping you back down," she told him gently, going to the sink to wash her hands.

"Why not?" He was watching her, confused.

The Nurse turned off the water, and dried her hands on some paper towels. She smiled, and nodded her head in the direction of the curtain that covered his area of the room.

"_MATT!" _He announced a little _too_ loudly.

"Calm down idiot. You're going to wake you're neighbours."

"Oh…Right…_Sorry_…"

The Nurse dropped the paper towels into the garbage, and headed towards the curtain,

"I'll leave you two be." And with that, she was gone.

"You came…I wasn't sure if you'd actually come…I-"

"…Was a big jerk earlier?" Matt questioned, walking over to the bed, and sitting on the edge of it.

"Yeah…" Mello agreed, feeling guilty. He should have _known_ he wasn't off the hook _completely_ yet. Matt had to remind him that he'd been treated…Well, he _hadn't _been treated like a _best friend _exactly.

"Sorry…" Mello muttered quietly. He _hated _trying to apologize to people, _especially_ to Matt, because he couldn't make it sound _sincere. _He _meant_ the apologies when he said them, but he didn't make it _sound _like he cared. He'd always had difficulty making it sound like he was really sorry for what he'd done.

"It's okay. The lowlife forgives you." Matt informed him, side glancing him.

He winced. Well, it _did_ serve him right, having Matt use it against him. He'd been a big jerk earlier. He was confused when Matt grabbed his left hand, and put something in it. He looked down.

"…Why would you…?"

"I figured the food here wasn't so great…And, I talked to the Nurse already about it."

He opened it, and sat it down on his lap,

"Thanks…"

Now Matt took his right arm. He was holding the back of his hand with his left hand, and his right hand moved to Mello's arm. Matt's fingers traced along the bandages gently. Mello watched, in silence, feeling the heat on his cheeks. He looked away, and picked up what he'd laid in his lap. He snapped off a bite of it, and chewed slowly. It tasted good. And, it gave him something to focus on.

"_Why?" _The question was suddenly in the air. Mello swallowed the piece of chocolate,

"Why _what_?"

"…_This…" _Matt's voice was a mere whisper, as his fingers drifted gently across the bandages again.

"…I got angry at myself."

"So you did _this_, to make it _better?_"

"Not _better_, really…But, it seemed like a good idea at the time…To, _die_…I mean…"

"Why?"

"Because of how I felt…I know it sounds stupid to hear, but at the time, I thought it was okay."

"You're right…It _does_ sound stupid to hear."

There was silence between them now.

"Doctors say I should be out of here, in about, three days, or so…" Mello mumbled.

"I know."

"What were you doing earlier? You said I'd know soon enough…What was it?"

"Well, you'll find out in about three days, or so," Matt answered simply, lying himself down across the end of the bed, and staring up at the ceiling.

"What?! No fair!"

"Consider it your _karma_ coming around to bite you in the a-"

"Oh to _hell_ with _karma!_" Mello cut him off,

"Just _tell_ me!"

Matt looked as though he were giving it some thought,

"…No."

Mello growled in frustration, and admitted his defeat in a sigh. He looked over to Matt, to find that the brunette was staring at him.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just hate seeing you here."

Mello bowed his head slightly. He couldn't tell Matt how much he hated being in the damn hospital, with only half his eyesight, and being strapped down to the bed for majority of the time he'd spent there so far. And how much he wanted to go home, and lie down on his comfortable bed, instead of this lousy mattress that the Doctors _claimed_ was a bed. Away from all the beeping, and heart monitors, and needles, and instead having his headphones on, blasting something worth _listening_ to in his ears, from his iPod.

And he couldn't tell him his reason behind being here.

At least not the one that made _sense._

"So, are you still mad at me?" Matt's voice questioned suddenly.

Mello shook his head 'no,' seeing as he didn't know if he could speak. He wondered if he'd ever be okay again. Go back to being, _Mello. _Being best friends with Matt, and being able to enjoy himself a bit. Going back to just pretending to be angry most of the time, instead of feeling like his heart was ripping itself out of his body, on it's own accord, while he remained powerless, when it came to stopping it's attempts.

"Am I still a lowlife?"

Again Mello shook his head 'no.'

Mello stared down at the wrapper in his hands, and placed the last bit of chocolate in his mouth. He'd been going through it the entire time, without even noticing until now. He dropped the wrapper into the garbage bin beside him.

"Do you want me to stay here until you fall asleep?" Matt was sitting up now.

Mello nodded silently.

Matt got up, and moved himself to the chair beside Mello's bed. Mello lied himself down in the bed, and pulled up his covers.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"…_Thanks," _Mello mumbled.

"Anytime."

--

The next couple of nights continued on this way. Mello would remain in the hospital bed, and Matt would come see him each night, and refuse to tell him what he had planned. And no matter how much Mello growled, Matt still didn't give in.

They had managed to fix their bond, and Mello realized he was relying on Matt, to make things okay for himself. To keep him _sane._

--

The light was bright, and he couldn't see very well. He could see Matt, and he was chasing him. But he didn't seem to be going very fast. And soon he realized, Matt had vanished. The next thing he knew, he was in his house, and Matt's shoes were in his doorway. He ran upstairs, towards his bedroom. And when he opened the door, he found him, sprawled out on his floor.

_He was bleeding._

"MATT?! MATT!!"

He rushed to his side, and rolled him into his lap. The brunette stared up at him.

"MATT! WHAT THE _HELL_ ARE YOU _THINKING?!_"

"I…Was taking myself out…Maybe…I thought _maybe_…If I was _gone_…"

"YOU _IDIOT! _YOU _CAN'T DIE!_ I _NEED_ YOU!!"

"Mello! Mello! Can you hear me?!" A woman's voice was near his ear. She sounded so afraid.

_Like she was trembling…_

He looked back down to Matt,

"MATT! _MATT!! _YOU _CAN'T_ LEAVE! _MATT!!_"

"Mello! _Mello!_" The woman's voice at his ear was persistent.

Matt's eyes were closing slowly, and he had a smile on his lips, as he uttered his final words,

"Good-bye Mello."

_And that's when he opened his eyes._

His eyes snapped open, and he searched around him frantically.

"Mello! You're awake! Oh, thank goodness! You were having a nightmare…" The familiar voice of the Nurse was clear beside him. He recognized her, but she wasn't who he was looking for. His eyes stayed frantic, as he looked for his friend.

"Matt isn't here, Mello…He left last night…About an hour, or so, after you'd fallen asleep…He was very tired, and went home for some rest."

"He-He's at home?"

"Yes, he's at home. He's probably awake by now…You slept a long time."

"What time is it?"

"Well, it's two in the afternoon."

He tried to calm himself down. It had only been a nightmare. A scary _nightmare. _That was it, nothing other than that. It had just looked real, but it was fictional.

"I could contact him, if you'd like…"

He nodded. He knew he looked horrified. He could tell his face had paled out. He had that sickening feeling growing in his stomach.

--

"Hello, is Matthew there?"

"Matt," he corrected.

"Matt, then," she confirmed.

"Speaking," he told her simply.

"This is Mello's Nurse. I…Was wondering if you were busy?"

"What did idiot do this time?"

"He…_Mello. _Mello, had a nightmare, by what it looks like. He was screaming in his sleep, and I managed to wake him, but he looks…Well, he looks pale. He requested you be contacted."

"…I'll be over soon." He closed his phone.

--

She entered the room, and walked over to Mello, finding him looking just as she'd left him.

_Terrified._

"I'm going to open your window…You look like you could use some fresh air…" The Nurse said this gently, and opened the window a bit, to allow in the cool breeze from outside. The Nurse un-strapped his arms, so that he could sit up.

It wasn't long until they heard the sound. Tires screeching to a halt. And what didn't seem to be much later, they heard the sound of loud boots, running towards the room.

He was there so quickly, it almost seemed unnatural. And he sat on the beds edge, panting, and looking over to the one who'd asked for him to return. The Nurse understood, and un-strapped Mello's legs, before closing the curtain around the two, and leaving the room.

He could feel himself losing feeling in his right arm, and when he looked to Mello, he understood why. Mello had curled himself up, and was clinging, _very tightly_, to Matt's right arm.

_And he was trembling._

"Mello? I'm right here, you can relax. Sorry I left…I was really tired. I figured you'd be okay in a hospital, considering you were asleep…"

The grip tightened around his arm.

"Mello?"

Tightening on his arm.

"Mello? What's wrong?"

The grip tightened even more.

He winced at the feeling. And the blonde male looked up to him, and saw his slightly pained expression.

_He let go._

Before Matt knew what was going on, Mello had released his arm, and had shoved himself up against the wall, staring at his hands, and trembling.

"Mello! Snap out of it!" Matt positioned himself closer to Mello, putting his face in Mello's perfect view,

"What's wrong? The Nurse told me you had a nightmare…"

Mello laughed a short laugh, it sounded as if he were trying to keep his _sanity_, instead of sounding _tuff _and _strong. _Like the Mello everyone seemed to know so well.

_Why couldn't he be that person now?_

"Mello…Idiot. You can't just sit there, gawking at me, and expect me to read your damn mind."

Mello swallowed hard, opened his mouth to say something, and couldn't find his voice. He closed his mouth again, looked down at his hands, and then back at Matt.

"Damnit, you're a wreck…" Matt murmured, gently pulling the blonde to him. Mello buried his face in Matt's shoulder. His right hand gripped the front of Matt's shirt.

"Okay, you're alright. I'm right here. I won't leave. I want to make sure you're alright."

Mello nodded his understanding.

They sat like that for a long time. Mello's trembles slowed to a stop, and his grip on Matt's shirt eased until it was more of a small hold.

"Mello? Can you tell me what you saw?"

The grip on Matt's shirt tightened instantly.

"I can wait…" Matt edited quickly.

"…You _died_…Right in front of me."

Matt didn't know how to reply, so he lifted his left hand to the back of Mello's head, and left it there, making sure the touch was gentle, as to not hurt the blonde male.

--

Mello had calmed down, and was sitting up straight again, when the Doctor walked in to check on him.

"You've healed nicely, despite how deep you went," he commented, after having removed Mello's bandages for a better look.

Matt saw for the first time the _real_ amount of _damage_ Mello had done. His arms had lines, going all along them. Some were red, instead of pink. Those had been the deep ones, where Mello must have cut into that spot continuously. And his scar…Marks that only fingernails could have made, were scattered along his scar. They'd healed over, stopped bleeding. But they marked his scar, more than the scar had marked Mello's features originally.

He couldn't help but stare. He'd never thought Mello would take things as far as he had.

"It looks like you're ready to go home young man," the Doctor said with a kind smile.

Mello didn't answer. He was too busy, watching Matt's face. Matt, who was staring at him. Tracing over the damage with his eyes, while his lips hung open, ever so slightly. It was enough to cause Mello to look away, and stare down at the floor.

"Matt?" The Nurse questioned him suddenly. He snapped out of his trance, and looked over to her.

"You'll be Mello's escort home, won't you?"

Matt nodded, seeing as he couldn't seem to locate his voice in that moment.

Mello was sent into a washroom, with clothes, and when he came back out, dressed in what he'd arrived in, his scarring was even _more_ evident.

_It was now a dominant feature. _

--

Matt and Mello left the building together. And once they were outside, Mello stopped, to stretch his arms over his head, before continuing to walk with Matt, who lead him to his car. When the two of them had gotten inside of the vehicle, Matt locked the doors, and turned up the air conditioning, so that the windows could stay rolled up. He pulled out of the hospitals parking lot, and started down the road.

"Wow, it feels _so good _to be out of there! That bed felt like a _rock! _And the food, it wasn't food! It was…It was something that I don't even think people are meant to _eat!_" Mello started into a rant, and Matt settled into listening. He rambled on and on about the hospital.

He didn't mention his reasons for ending up there.

"Hey Matt…Where are we going? My house is the other way…"

"You're not going home."

"What the _hell_ are you talking about?! I _have_ to go home! All my stuff is at my house, you idiot! And I want to go home, and shower, and put on some clean clothes! If you want me to spend the night so damn badly, you'd think you'd be able to wait a half hour or so, until I was _decent _at least! And had all my stuff! Let me out! I'll walk the rest of the damn way, if you're not driving me!"

"Mello. Don't fight with me. Your stuff isn't at your house, majority of it's at my house. I snuck over the first night you were in the hospital. I didn't want you to go home, and not have someone there to watch over you. It's a scary thing when your best friend puts himself through physical torture, and ends up hospitalized, and won't tell you why. The outline of a reason you gave me, didn't sound like nearly enough. And you can try and get out, but I'm in control of the doors and windows from my seat, and you know it."

"WHAT THE HELL MATT?! YOU SNUCK INTO MY HOUSE?!"

"You did give me a key a while back."

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER! YOU WENT INTO MY HOUSE, AND TOOK ALL MY STUFF, AND BROUGHT IT TO YOUR HOUSE?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON INSIDE YOUR HEAD?!"

"Are you done yelling yet?"

"NO!"

Matt waited quietly, while Mello fumed in grumblings. Matt could hear his name being mentioned, Mello's house, Mello's stuff, Matt's house, and some profanities.

"Are you done now?"

"I'm done yelling, but I'm not done being mad yet."

"Should I wait until you are?"

"JUST EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

"I thought you were done with yelling?"

"You're testing your luck, Mail."

Matt was a little surprised to hear his real first name being used. But when he thought about it, no one could hear them. He had his car in total lock down, and Mello hadn't said it in a loud voice. Just one that sounded as though he was considering decapitating Matt with a plastic spoon.

…Or something to that effect at least.

"I did explain myself. You just didn't listen to me."

Mello was quiet.

It was evident that he was thinking back on Matt's end of the conversation.

"You're worried I'll do it again," Mello muttered.

Matt nodded.

Mello made no replies. He just sank back into his seat, and stared out the side window. He watched as all the houses went by. All the cars parked in driveways, or on the street.

Matt _cared. _Matt wanted to be _near_ him, watch over him. Make sure he was really going to be okay. Be right beside him, until he was certain Mello was _sane_ enough to be left on his own again.

The thought almost made Mello smile.

Except for the fact that Matt wouldn't always be beside him. He was just watching out for him for now, because he'd hauled off and…

Realization struck.

Matt only cared to this extent because Mello had been _hospitalized._

That seemed the only logical explanation behind Matt taking Mello's stuff to his house, and refusing to let Mello out of the damn car.

_Because he was a threat to himself._

--

Matt unlocked the doors, and was at Mello's side of the car by the time Mello had unbuckled his seatbelt, and opened his door. He stepped out, and shut the door behind himself. And then he started towards the house. Matt followed suit.

When Mello was inside, and shoeless, he waited for Matt. Matt pointed to the staircase.

"What's up there?" Mello questioned, confused.

"All your stuff. It's in my room. Go, take a look."

Mello started up the staircase, and Matt followed him silently. Mello turned left, and headed towards Matt's bedroom, opening the door, and stepping inside.

When Matt had told him his stuff was in Matt's room, he'd expected the duffel bag on the floor, and the pillow tossed onto a chair, or the end of the bed. So when he stepped inside, and found that his assumptions were completely off, he was a little surprised.

His pillow was where Matt's should be, and a Matt's blanket was still there. The duffel bag was tucked under the bed, and it looked flat. He checked the closet. Whatever he'd had hung up at home, was now hanging here. He checked the drawers. Same thing. In the top drawer, besides some shirts, he found his wallet, and gloves. And when he looked to the bedside table, he saw his hairbrush, and his iPod. And there, beside his iPod, was Mello's necklace.

Mello turned around to face Matt, who was standing in the doorway.

"All my clothes are in the hallway closet. And you didn't see the bathroom yet." He moved aside to allow Mello some room to pass him.

Mello stepped out into the hallway, and went towards the washroom. He found his toothbrush sitting across from Matt's, in a holder. He opened the top drawer. His and Matt's toothpastes were there. He closed the drawer, and turned around, moving to the shower, and throwing open the curtain. Sure enough, there was his shampoo and conditioner.

Mello stepped back out into the hallway, and stood before Matt.

"Why would you…? What is all this? Why is your room set up so…?"

"I did this, to watch over _you. _And it's set up like this, for your comfort."

Mello felt his face getting hot, and he looked down to the floor. He kept trying to remind himself that this was a temporary thing, and that Matt wasn't always going to be like this. He wasn't always going to be able to…

…_To stop Mello's heart._

"I'm going to shower. I feel disgusting," Mello said simply, going off into Matt's room, to collect some fresh clothes, and his hair brush.

"There's a blue towel in there for you," Matt replied.

"Thanks."

When Mello had disappeared into the washroom, and he was in the shower, Matt decided he'd steal the bed for a little while. He went into his bedroom, and pulled out his cell phone, setting an alarm to vibrate in an hours time. He knew Mello well enough to know that he regularly had an hours worth of showering to do. And now that Mello had to be extra careful, and hadn't showered decently in days, he was sure to be even longer. Matt stuffed his cell phone into his pocket once the alarm was set. He hung his goggles on the bed post, and lied down.

--

When the alarm buzzed against his leg, Matt sat up, still feeling a little drowsy. He grabbed his goggles, and reattached them to the top of his head. When this was done, he stepped out into the hallway, and sat down at the top of the staircase. The water stopped running moments later. There were sounds of shuffling, as Mello got dressed, and when he stepped into the hallway, wearing pajamas, Matt wasn't surprised.

"I'm going to sleep…I feel really tired, and this'll be the first time I've been able to sleep without being strapped down, in almost a week."

Matt nodded, and Mello went into the bedroom, closed the blinds, and lied himself down under the covers.

--

As he lie there, Mello couldn't help but feel good. He had clean hair, clean clothes, and he was staying at Matt's house. In Matt's room, _specifically, _which, of course, smelled like Matt. His pillow smelled of him too, and he guessed Matt had napped there while he'd been in the shower. With the scent all around him, and a comfortable bed to lie on, it wasn't long before he fell asleep.

He didn't know how long he'd slept for, but when he came down the stairs, he found Matt asleep on the couch. He didn't look too warm. He looked as though he was shivering, even as he slept.

Mello sat down on the edge of the couch, being careful in doing so. Matt shifted in his sleep, and kept shivering. The blanket he had covering him, wasn't a very thick one, and the living room got unusually cold during the nights.

"Mello?" The tired voice was confused. And Matt sat up, rubbing his eyes,

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep."

"More nightmares?"

"No. Just couldn't fall back asleep."

"Should I come sit with you? You seem to fall asleep pretty easily when I'm there."

"Maybe if you sleep upstairs I'll be able to sleep better…I think it might even be this whole, waking up, and not being able to find you thing…That nightmare I had before just kind of looms in my unconsciousness."

"Mello…Are you getting soft on me?" Matt teased, watching the males face, to see his expression.

Mello glared,

"No, I'm not getting _soft_ you idiot! Stay down here and _freeze_ to death for all I care!" Mello hollered, standing up.

Matt's hand was on his arm, gently, as to not hurt him, but firm enough to hold him back.

"Calm down, calm down. I'm only messing with you."

Mello grumbled something incoherent, and glared down at the brunette,

"Well? Are you staying down here, or not? I'm cold, and I'd like to get back upstairs before I _freeze_."

Matt released him,

"I'm going, I'm going." He got off the bed, grabbed his pillow, and the thin blanket. He took his goggles off the table too. Then, the two headed upstairs.

When they were in Matt's room, he shut the door behind them. Mello looked back to him.

"I'll leave it open if you want. I just do that from habit."

"No, it's fine. I usually sleep with the door closed back home anyways."

Matt nodded. He walked to the bed, and hung his goggles on the bedpost, where they usually sat. The he moved away, and dropped his pillow on the floor, and spread out the blanket. Mello climbed back into the bed, and lied himself down. Matt sat on the end of the bed, leaning against the wall. It was quiet, but he knew Mello wasn't asleep.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"No," Mello's voice was quiet, and calmed down, so he'd gotten over his little fit.

There was a silence.

"Are _you_ still mad at _me?_"

Matt sighed.

Mello pulled the blankets up over most of his head, so that his face had disappeared under the sheets, and his hair was uncovered. Matt crawled up the bed, keeping beside the wall. He lied himself down next to Mello, and stared up at the ceiling.

"I'm not _mad_, idiot. I'm more mad at _myself_, for not having my phone on. If it'd been on, none of this would have happened. You never would have ended up in the hospital."

Mello's cheeks were burning. How could Matt be so sincere, and not be shy about it at all? He was stopping Mello's heart, and he probably didn't even know that he was doing it. Hell, he probably didn't know that he had to _power to _do it. And he was lying right behind Mello, which didn't help Mello at all, feeling how he did.

He paused on his thoughts for a moment.

_Wait. _What _were_ his feelings anyways?

Matt. Matt. And undeniably…_Matt._

Damnit. Was that the _only_ thing that had been on his _mind_ lately?

_Yes._

Because Matt was the one person who stuck beside him, even when he was screaming, and yelling, and uttering profanities in every sentence…

Matt, who was calm enough to not yell back.

Matt, who would sit with him until he slept, and then sleep over, just so he had him there when he woke up, in case he still needed his company.

Matt, who he would text at two in the morning, and who would text him back until he felt better.

And Matt was the only one who made him blush like crazy, without even trying.

Mello sat up suddenly, and Matt followed suit,

"Mello? You alright?" He moved himself up to the headboard, and leaned on his right, but moved back instantly, whispering in what sounded like an angry tone,

"Damnit!"

"Matt? What happened?" Mello turned on the lamp that sat on the bedside table, to see that Matt had rolled up his shirt sleeve, and was tracing his fingers over handprints on his right arm.

"Matt? What happened to your arm?!"

"This? Oh…It's nothing. I've had worse, no worries."

"It doesn't look like nothing! What happened?!"

"…After your nightmare…" Matt hesitated on the explanation, and watched Mello for a reaction. He watched as Mello looked confused at first, and then his eyes zoned out. When the focus had returned to them again, Mello set his eyes downcast. Matt sighed,

"Idiot. You were _scared_, nothing wrong with that…Besides, I already told you; I've had _worse_."

For once, Mello didn't yell about how he hadn't been scared.

He couldn't lie to Matt. He'd seen how pale he'd been. He'd clutched onto Matt's arm with such a force that he didn't even realize he'd bruised him in the process.

_But he could see it now._

He didn't deserve someone like Matt to be in his life.

Matt was nice. Sure, they fought sometimes, but it was mainly because Mello couldn't control his goddamn temper. And, he knew it.

_They both did._

Mello turned his head towards the lamp,

"Maybe I shouldn't have been _screaming_ when I was trying to _die_," he muttered to himself, reaching with his right hand, as he went to turn off the lamp.

Before he could manage, a hand was on his right cheek, and his head was forced to turn back, to the male sitting beside him. Matt's eyes burned an emerald flame. It was evident that he had much to say, and was considering how to start. Mello's hand dropped from the lamp.

"Don't you ever say that again, idiot." Matt ordered, sounding mad,

"You're damn lucky to be alive…If your neighbours didn't hear you, you'd be…" The sentence trailed.

"I _know_ where I'd be. Exactly where I originally _intended_ to be. I didn't ask to be saved, and they should have stayed out of it! I got mad at myself for what I was thinking about, and so it only made sense to cut myself out of the picture, completely. I didn't want to live with these ridiculous thoughts I had! And I hate that they're still in my head!"

"Mello, this doesn't make any sense, what are you so mad about?"

"I can't explain it to you," Mello said, a little more gently this time, but the dark hatred for himself, lurked within his tone.

Matt sighed, and leaned forwards, pressing his forehead against Mello's gently, so as to not hurt his scar. He closed his eyes, and stayed in that position while he was speaking.

"You can talk to me. You know you can. We tell each other _everything._"

Mello didn't reply.

"Start talking idiot," Matt added, using his humour to loosen up Mello's tense atmosphere.

"You'll only laugh at me," Mello told him quietly.

"Will you start talking if I vow not to laugh?"

"Don't count on it," Mello muttered.

"Fine," Matt sighed again.

Matt's head was still against Mello's, so when he sighed, his scent swarmed around Mello, and his head swam for a moment. He had to put an effort into staying focused, so that he didn't go crazy from having Matt this close to him.

"You know, I don't think people understand you very well," Matt's voice broke Mello's concentration. And Mello had to concentrate even _harder _to focus on what Matt was saying, and not on the fact that his face was this close, and that he smelled so…

_Inviting. _

Mello kicked himself inwardly for that thought.

"What do you mean?" He asked quietly.

"Well…People don't know you so well…Of course, I suppose it's hard to get to know someone who uses the tones you do. But, I've pushed past that, for _years_ now. I'm the one person who stuck around, no matter what, and we're best friends. Well, you're the one person I've actually managed to keep in my life, over the years. And you _seriously _need to stop getting yourself _hurt. _When you got your scar, it was bad enough…But then when they called me, and told me where you were…I dropped everything I was doing, and sped to the hospital. _Literally. _I had a glass in my hands, and when I dropped it, I reached down to pick up the shards, right into my hand, not even a thought was put into it. Cut a lot of scars into my hand…Stupid move…"

Mello shifted his gaze downwards to Matt's hands, which were lying limply at their feet. For the first time, he noticed the scratches from the glass. Matt continued,

"I almost got into about three accidents on the way, and once I was in the building, I was tempted to run, but I wanted to keep _some_ control. And then I walked into the room, and couldn't see you…But your _voice_ found me, and I followed the sound…And when the Nurse told me what you'd done…I couldn't believe you'd gone so _far_…Tearing at your wound with your _own fingernails? _I was struggling to maintain what little _sanity_ I had left to hold on to. And then I told you; _what a waste…_" Here he said it how he had said it that day, with the same amount of disgust in the action that had been done. Then he continued,

"Your reaction that day didn't surprise me in the least. _Yelling_ at me. I'm so used to you getting mad that's become somewhat of an _expectation_."

This hurt Mello for some reason. He didn't like the idea of his anger being something Matt thought was a norm with him.

But when he considered it, he guessed it was one.

"You made me feel…Well, pretty badly about having had my phone off. I'd forgotten it was off…So when you kept yelling all those things at me…I just sort of…_Snapped. _My sanity left me in that _instant. _And I couldn't stop myself from…_Being emotional._" He edited, not wanting to say the word _crying._

"And I showed you. I knew if I did, you'd think about it, after I left. I knew your logic wouldn't come to you while I was still sitting there. I needed to get out, be away for a while. While I was out, I turned on my phone. When I heard all the messages--"

"You listened to all of those?"

A smile was heard in his voice now,

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You needed me. You'd called 23 times, and out of those times, left me _16 _voice messages. I listened to each one, starting from the beginning. I wanted to hear what was going on."

"…"

"So I listened to them all. I was at home when you texted me. I was actually thinking about our encounter when I got your message. And we started talking again…While we did that, I went to your house. I got your stuff, and brought it here, because I already planned out where you'd be living for the next month, or two, or three…Or five…Or…_Twelve_…" Matt paused before he continued,

"I kept going to see you, each night. Staying with you, until you fell asleep, and then coming home, to make sure I had things set up alright for you here…The last night I left, I stayed around for an hour, as I did for the other nights, to make sure you stayed sleeping soundly. When they called the next day, I sped to the hospital, again. And this time, when I got inside the building, I ran. You didn't say anything, you just clung to me. It was like…Like I was everything you _needed_, in that instant…All I could think to do was hold you, because you wouldn't speak, and I knew you needed me…And I could see it was beyond the extent of how much you usually needed me. You managed to tell me what was wrong, which I was grateful for, and yet, all I could do was keep holding you…" Matt gave Mello a minute to allow it all to sink in.

"And then you stared at me, when they removed the bandages…" Mello murmured, eyes downcast. Matt's eyes opened, and he noted Mello's expression, before closing his eyes again.

"Your scars had become a more dominant feature than the originals had been before."

Mello looked to him now,

"My scars were something people _always_ noticed…_Especially_ the one on my face…It was already dominant…"

"Not for someone who was around you so long."

"…"

"And then I kidnapped you," Matt teased.

"…"

Matt lifted his head from Mello's, and leaned back a bit. He opened his eyes, and looked to the blonde before him,

"You're not used to me talking as much as I just did," he said simply, his smile coming out across his features. Mello shook his head, 'no.' Matt was right. He didn't usually say so much at once. But, this was _necessary. _

"I'm taking a vow," Matt's voice broke Mello's thoughts, and Mello looked to him, confused.

"Vowing, not to laugh," Matt explained,

"I've explained the past near-week. I think it's only fair that you tell me what lead you into all of this…"

"…No laughing?"

"No laughing."

Mello sighed,

"Can I turn off the light?"

"Why?"

"I think it might be easier, if I don't have to see your expression."

"As long as you're telling me what lead into this, go ahead."

Mello leaned over, and turned off the lamp, before shifting back to his original position.

"Okay…I, uh, I'm not entirely sure how to word this, but I'll give it a shot," Mello was losing his usual temper. He'd been overwhelmed by Matt's venting, and he needed to regain control his mind.

"I'll be patient."

"I didn't know what I was doing…I guess I thought, well, that my thoughts were wrong…That something must be wrong with me, because every damn thing seemed so…Unlike me, I guess…I couldn't focus properly, and I'd become overly dependent…I hated the fact that I couldn't even control myself properly…" Mello knew he wasn't making sense. He didn't want to tell Matt his reason. Would Matt stay his best friend?

"I know I'm not making any sense here, but I need you to take another vow."

"Will you start making more sense if I take the vow?"

"Depends on how you answer to it."

"Shoot."

"Okay, the vow is, that no matter what I say, you'll stay my best friend, and it won't get weird."

Matt was quiet a moment, considering it, before answering,

"I vow it. Best friends, no matter what. And it won't get weird," he paused a moment,

"Now shoot."

"…Well, I, uh…I started having someone on my mind, all the time, and I couldn't get them out of my head. I thought I was going absolutely mental. I thought I was _losing_ it. Or something was _wrong_ with me. I know how _stupid_ that sounds. But, I was beginning to think of this person as _more_ than a _friend_…And I had a feeling…I felt like they wouldn't see me as more than a friend in return. And for some reason, that bothered me, probably more than it should have…_A lot _more than it should have…So I…I decided I'd take the easy way out…And run away from all the thoughts that were plaguing my mind…" Mello didn't know when his voice had become a mere whisper, but he could hear it now.

_Matt wasn't answering._

"…I tried to conceal it, after leaving the hospital…I was happy about where I was going…But I didn't imagine I'd be there for too long, before I ended up back at home…And I thought the reason I was being cared for so much, was because I'd been hospitalized…"

Matt sighed,

"Mello, I--"

"Listen. I don't want sympathy, okay? I mean, it's not like I don't understand why people look at me the way they do. The way you looked at me in the hospital, when they removed my bandages…I'm…Well, I'm _appalling_…All _scars_…Of course, what I _did_ only made that _worse…_"

"Mello, I only looked at you like that, because I hadn't seen the actual _damage _yet. You would have been surprised too. So answer me this, have I looked at you like that since then?"

"No…No, you've looked at like nothing has changed. And you keep doing all these little things that are driving me absolutely crazy! I swear Matt, I'd like to just rip off my own head, and be done with this!"

Mello was being himself again.

Matt couldn't help it. He laughed.

Mello growled,

"YOU _PROMISED_ YOU IDIOT!"

"Oh calm down," Matt said, trying to control himself,

"I'm not laughing at your pouring emotions. I'm laughing because I tried to imagine how someone would go about ripping off their own head."

Mello smiled in the darkness, despite himself.

Matt calmed himself down again.

"It doesn't help that everyone is being so cautious about the scars…" Mello added in solemnly.

"Well, can you blame us?" Matt questioned suddenly,

"I've been avoiding making contact with the scars as much as is possible, but only because I'm afraid I might end up hurting you."

Mello reached up to his own cheek, and brushed his fingers over it,

"And not because it's absolutely _disgusting? _Not only to see, but to _feel?_"

"I just didn't want to end up _hurting_ you. That's all."

Mello's hand dropped back into his lap. He moved himself away from the headboard, and started scooting himself backwards.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from the wall."

Mello pushed himself a little farther back.

Suddenly, the bed wasn't beneath him, and he hit the floor with a thud.

There a moment of silence, and then…

Matt's laughter broke through.

He appeared over the edge of the bed, staring down at the blonde, who lied there, staring up at him in return. Mello was trying to regain his composure. A difficult task when you've fallen off your best friends bed.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T LAUGH!"

"I said I wouldn't laugh at what you _said! _You can't expect me _not_ to laugh at you for falling off the _bed!_" Matt answered, still laughing.

"Oh, shut-up Matt!" Mello reached up, and pulled the brunette male off the bed. He didn't plan the fall very well. Because now the laughing brunette was lying half way on top of him.

"Someone help me!" Matt called weakly through his laughter,

"I'm being sexually assaulted!"

Mello growled,

"Oh shut-up and get off me, _Mail!_" He announced, getting angry again. He'd made sure to add a bitter twist to Matt's real name. Matt had sworn not to laugh, but he was anyways. And it was starting to tick Mello off. Matt slowly regained control of himself, and stared down at Mello.

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry. It was just funny to see," Matt apologized calmly.

"Fine. Whatever." Mello growled. He had himself propped up, with his hands behind his back as his support. He wasn't sitting up straight, because Matt was hovering over him, and his right leg was surrounded on either side by each of Matt's legs.

"You still don't believe me on the whole scar thing, do you?"

"Kind of hard to believe."

Matt didn't answer. He just moved himself closer to Mello's face, and brought up his right hand. He allowed his fingers to brush over the scar,

"If I hurt you, tell me, and I'll stop," Matt whispered.

Mello didn't answer. Matt's fingers traced along his scar, lightly touching the skin with what appeared to be an ease. He didn't seem disturbed.

Mello watched, waiting. But no reaction crossed Matt's features. He was calm.

"Doesn't hurt?" Matt questioned gently.

"No," Mello answered in a whisper.

"Good."

With this said, Matt rested his hand gently on Mello's scarred cheek, and in one swift, yet gentle movement, his lips found Mello's, and his other arm went to Mello's back.

Mello was taken by surprise.

Matt had been able to accept Mello's flaws in his personality, and his flaws in his features.

And, he'd been able to dedicate his time to taking care of him.

Treating him with a fair judgment, and being his best friend.

And caring for him, more than Mello believed he deserved.

Matt was kissing him, as though Mello was some delicate dream, that could fade in any moment.

And Mello kissed him back, suddenly glad he hadn't faded in the first place.

**( A.N: DONE! THANK GOD! Alright, so a big thanks to AlchemistAreku, who reminded me that Mello is so much like Yzak Jule, which for whatever reason, helped me in writing this. Thanks Al! And readers, R&R? Please? )**


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